Ever since that time, it's like you want me dead but you're doing it one weak jab at a time. And I think you're fully aware of this, you feel the need to get revenge for everything that happens to you so you're just going to continue this way until you get what you want because this is what you do to EVERYBODY. For some reason you have it in your head that everyone is the fucking same. You probably don't THINK it, it's just a PART of you. There's something in you that says, this happened to me once, this will happen EVERY FUCKING TIME. I hope you will be able to move on some day soon, because I've been nothing but good to you ever since and you still insist on jabbing me, even though I didn't do anything wrong. I want to be your friend. Why not?

Aside from that, I haven't been doing anything. I guess halloween was fun, but I'm in a bad mood so everything seems shitty right now. You know, aside from the things that are actually shitty. Won't be able to afford this place soon. So hopefully we can get enough money in time.

And then cold happens.

The fall was nice at first but now it's freezing and rainy all the damn time. It's making me very irritable and depressed. On top of that, I've had a cold that turned into a sore throat/cough. Ugh!

Have I been drawing? Only commissions on Gaia. Have I been taking photos? No, cos I've been sick. Well, I've taken plenty of photos since the first one. I think I am getting closer to my dream of being cute. Denise, Eric and I have been trying to learn Japanese, but I'm so forgetful without a tutor or teacher. u__u Well, it's been fun so I don't care. I suppose we can wait to afford it some day, but in the meantime what we've been doing is fine.

Found another cute avatar site, Tinier Me which I've been having fun with.

Eric and I talked yesterday. Let's say, I've been having problems. I've been having problems for a while, and he hasn't remedied this. He finally realized it, but even though he said he would try to change and improve, I'm still skeptical and my problems haven't changed. I've been waiting it out for a long while. Waiting isn't really my thing.

I am a typical and atypical princess. Hope this wasn't too confusing, though it probably is! Oh well.

So!

In my quest to become cute, I've discovered- being cute is all about confidence! No one believes a person who is under confident like I am. I read a few tips to become self confident.
Dress well, walk faster (check!), good posture, compliment yourself/highlight good traits, gratitude, compliment other people, speak up, and work out!
I've already started working on my clothes (buying less baggy and unflattering clothes). I really need to work on my posture and my.. voice. XD I need to be louder. I will try to run today when it gets darker.
I've also started a photo project to help me build confidence in my appearance. One photo a day.

I am beautiful

I finally installed the asian language pack so I can see all of the characters instead of weird squares with numbers in them. Ah, it feels so good to see an actual language. XD
I've created a cute character, kinda through the buddy poke thing. :]

And that's it!
If you also need to boost your confidence you should do the same as me, and we can support each other. :)

NYAF: Days 2 & 3

Day two... I forgot because I didn't write it right away, but I remember being irritated almost the entire time. I was in like survival mode this entire weekend so my hunger didn't bother me too much. My boots were killing me, it was way too crowded, I tore my petti because my boot got caught in it and no one would help me get it out... I dunno, a lot of things. I had a good time at panels and screenings but irritation was always buzzing around my head for some reason. Ummm, we watched the first three episodes of Soul Eater- interesting! I've been meaning to watch it for a while and never got around to it. I hate Black Star though. (Seriously- "BELIEVE IT!" style.) The Masquerade was really cool, as usual. Uncle Yo was hilarious,as usual. Oh! That reminds me- we only watched some of his stand up in the morning because the steampunk in anime panel was yesterday! It was cool, although they listed the animes way too fast and we kinda missed most of the list. u__u But the discussion was nice. Oh, I pretty much wore the same outfit, except with kitty ears and collar.

Day three. Wore jeans, corset (on the black side), cat collar, cat ears (which I took off because they like, recede because my hair doesn't hold anything in place), platform shoes, star shirt, black sweater. Not too out of the ordinary.
Bought: two shirts, a Reni Mimura CD, circle lenses (contacts that make your eyes look big and cute), two pairs of earrings, and a necklace. More about this later.
Today we went to (shortly) finding anime in new york. I'm sorry, that speaker had the ability to make anything boring. It was informative though. We went to the neo-victorian fashion show, GORGEOUS pieces. Seriously. It's mostly lolita, with some added elegant gothic lolita. Loved the queen outfit!! And we went to the anime parliament. It's brilliant in concept and is hilarious when executed well, but we didn't have the time to discuss more things. (Today we discussed that Gohan should have been taken away by child services because of events during Dragon Ball, Sasuke and how he could have taken the good path- comparison to batman, and bishounen in gundam [a shonen anime].) This morning was great though- one of the booths plays music really loud. So a little dance party broke out during "Celebrate" (Holiday! Celebrate!)- obvvviously we started dancing as well. Then we got Rick Roll'd! We danced to that EVERYONE joined in at that one. Then YMCA came on! Then.. "Give it to me baby" By rick james came on, and we started a soul train but security came and fucked everything up. NYAF doesn't have a rave so we were getting dance in anywhere we could. u__u
People randomly were playing twister! lol!
Anyway, we said bye to everyone when we walked out (seriously.) "Hope you had a great time! See you next year! We'll miss you!" We got lots of hugs. :3
So our new goal (Denise and I) is to be super cute (to continue from earlier.) Our inspiration is Reni Mimura- SHE IS SO ADORABLE WE WANTED TO KILL OURSELVES. So I the things I bought were cute. Bunny earrings to match the bunny ring I got, ice cream necklace to match the ice cream ring I bought, I bought This in black, and (I can't find a picture) but a brownie shirt that says "Every day is sweet" on it. So... yup, that's my new goal!
I'm seriously going to miss it though, I love the sense of community and the love between anime fans. It's seriously great. I wonder where I can get that during the year.

NYAF: Day One

Yeayy! Day one of anime festival. I'm writing about it now so I don't forget.
Eric came, then he left, then David came, then eric came and then we waited beyond time to leave so that Denise would come. Then when I realized everyone was going in some sort of cool outfit, I put one on myself. (photo to be inserted later?) It was my new black boots, my black and white striped knee high socks, my black skirt with petticoat, black button-up with black and gray vest and a black cardigan. David let me borrow his mini hat while he borrowed my top hat. I put on doll-style lipstick and eyeliner and ta-da! cool outfit.
We got there and looked around at the dealer's room. I bought two rings! A cute bunny and ice cream ring. I pretty much wanted to buy everything in the room, but when we got to the corset booth, I bought a waist cincher and spent allll the money in my wallet. Lol. It's copper and black, it's also reversible to an all black side so I can use it with most stuff I have! I'm so excited about it. It's super comfortable and it gives me a really cool steampunk or gothic look! (I guess I like wearing extremely tight things.)We saw the cosplay dating game and, the host kept it interesting but it was hard to understand because you really had to watch the anime the characters were from to understand the questions and answers. Then we saw Zombie survival It had it's moments but it was kinda boring. Then we went to disorganization XIII (discussion about RPGs) and they spent a lot of time answering questions (especially from this guy that was really angry and disagreed with everything they said- I started hysterically laughing at some point because I dunno, he was at least in his 30s and he was so irritated and disagreeable about such a light subject!) but they had their funny moments as well. I hugged a lot of people. People asked for my photograph even though I wasn't cosplaying. ("Can... can I take a photo of you?" "Sure! *stands up* "Ok...*takes a picture*...you're a lot bigger when you stand up.. you looked so small when you were kneeling... can you get on your knees?")
We saw Cencoroll, a short movie. It was extremely interested but towards the end it got really confusing and then it ended. lol but it was still good.
The it was the cosplay variety show. The AMV was hilarious, then last skit was great (I don't like the show but it I could tell they worked hard on it!) Although the main guy in that skit was also the host and he kept on singing. The pink haired dude did a dance that looked like he coreographed for the first song, and then for the last four songs he just fucking did whatever he wanted and expected people to get up and clap and dance but IT WAS THE END OF THE NIGHT and we were all fucking EXHAUSTED.
The violinist (cosplaying La Cordo D'Oro) looked like she was going to cut herself because I guess she didn't like how she did but it sounded fine and she stopped during the middle of the last song. This one girl did two bad dance routines. Someone stepped in at the end of the second dance routine and said "YO YOU REAL GOOD AND SHIT, AND I'MMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT xxxxxx WAS THE BEST VOCALOID OF ALL TIME. OF ALL TIME!" I didn't hear what he said, lol. but obligatory internet meme's for the win. :] So many annoying scenesters. What the fuck were they doing there? Serious.
Ummm, I dunno, that shit was awesome. I can't wait for tomorrow. I'm planning on buying bronze goggles to match the corset. Also like a ton of other things. Jeeeeesus. Two steampunk panels tomorrow, too! AND Uncle Yo! AND the masquerade!and a ton of other shit I'm too tired to remember. lolol. goodnight.

'sup, it's been a while.

Nothing's been going on. For real.
It turns out we're not cosplaying so no sewing projects.
Well, I made a mini-top hat but I wanted to add bows to cover the seams. So it's not really done yet. I bought a few other fabrics but my mum wants to buy patterns as opposed to me measuring out my own. (tried and true patterns from online, too.)
I wanted to go as Flapjack for halloween, but I totally want Eric to be Captain Knuckles and I know he's not going to want to do that. u__u
So uh, any ideas? Devon + Denise let's do a group thing! :]

Oh. Oh. I totally forgot my birthday passed since my last entry. woaaah. It was cool. Just a dinner at my house. As per EVERY YEAR, my mum got drunk and made up shit about where I'm from. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. I dont know how the subject always comes up, but it does, and then I say, yeah I'm puerto rican, french-jamaican, british, irish, german, and sicilian. and then she'll be all like "....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Jaysussss. My life is a lie.

Anyway. Here's some pictures for your EYEBALLS.


The first two are for my villain themed charity on Gaia. :] I really need to recolor them. u__u
The third one was a gift. Lolol shoujo-ai :D
The last one is a portrait of a Gaian's son, named Aiden. He was very cute. It was for a contest.

Beep

:|

I haven't written in a while! I've had an art block and I don't like to write without having a drawing, because I know my entries are boring. u__u
So to get out of my art block, I drew my avatar on Gaia. As I usually do to get out of a block. So here it is.


My birthday passed, it was nice. It was a small dinner. Ridiculous as can be, though. As usual, there was a conversation with my mum about where I'm from, and it's fucking different every year. Goddamn wine.

Anyway, there's really not much to say. I just wanted to write an "I'm alive" post.