Ever since that time, it's like you want me dead but you're doing it one weak jab at a time. And I think you're fully aware of this, you feel the need to get revenge for everything that happens to you so you're just going to continue this way until you get what you want because this is what you do to EVERYBODY. For some reason you have it in your head that everyone is the fucking same. You probably don't THINK it, it's just a PART of you. There's something in you that says, this happened to me once, this will happen EVERY FUCKING TIME. I hope you will be able to move on some day soon, because I've been nothing but good to you ever since and you still insist on jabbing me, even though I didn't do anything wrong. I want to be your friend. Why not?

Aside from that, I haven't been doing anything. I guess halloween was fun, but I'm in a bad mood so everything seems shitty right now. You know, aside from the things that are actually shitty. Won't be able to afford this place soon. So hopefully we can get enough money in time.

Yesssss. *rubs hands together*

I bought white fabric, navy blue fabric, lace, and two anchor patches. Can we sayyyy adorable sailor dress. FUCK YES.
Also bought these two awesome dudes. Click to enlarge.

[view two] [Deeeelighted!] [Heeeeello!] [Apollo=Godzirra]
Notice how NOT shitty the photos are? Yeah, that's my mum's camera. I always get the bullshit cameras. u__u oh well, I know I'm not really a photographer (I hate the lighting in the first one! Ugh.)
They're for halloween, but they're so awesome I'll keep 'em around all year. Those are the types of sculptures I wanted to make ;-; but the damn classes didn't give me any time. I've got clay in the house, so I'm considering trying it again.
Ah, so let me backtrack. I went shopping with my mum and my aunt. We went to a craft store (no fabric but felt, which I bought to make hats) and I encouraged my mum to pick up a sketchbook for herself. She's a fantastic artist and now that she has the time, she should start up again! I look forward to flipping through it (and showing you guys). She also bought a small one for me. We also bought these really cool messenger bags for $4 EACH. Can you fucking believe that? Finding a good one is hard, and then it being so CHEAP? Such a good find. She bought two and I bought two- one in black and one in yellow. I plan on drawing all over the yellow one. x]

Ah, I feel inspired.

:3

I need to dive back into life, give me a push.

Man, oh man I haven't written in a while. Well... I've done nothing much in that time, really. I've finally thought of tattoo ideas which I will not be putting up, because what if someone gets it before me? :( Then it won't be as special.
But I also haven't been drawing. I haven't really felt inspired. Dang, time has just ran past me and now I'm trying to remember...
*Oh, i remembered something! H&M FINALLY opened in cross county and I looove that shit. I bought these super duper awesome shoes, but they are JUST too small [by a half a size or one size] stretching should do the trick, though. Also, some shoe insoles because heels wreck me. Click for extra picture.

I couldn't find them on the website because I don't understand how to navigate it AT ALL. All there is are shitty pictures of fucktrendy models. What the pee town.
Anyway. My speakers now will only play on the left side or the right, depending on how I adjust the cord, but they never play simultaneously. So I need new speakers. My birthday's coming up, so hopefully that can be covered. :]
So yeah, my birthday is coming up. I don't know what I want to do because my friends are so different from each other. What ties us together? Nothing much anymore. :[ I don't even have that many friends... so maybe I'll do what I did last year and sleep.

38 days until NYAF. I hope that I will have money to spend there, because Hip Hop Candy will be there and their shit is so adorable. ♥ I think that Denise and I can make the dresses soon, we modified it a bit so it's easier and cuter.
I want to go to a dermatologist for my awful hair and my increasingly awful skin. The white spots I've had on my stomach and chest since I was young have moved up to my face. Ever since I got a stupid tan. Now I never want to tan again. I've been taking biotin for my hair and I think it did help a little, my hair has grown (as in, my hair grows just a tad more than it breaks -__-). I'm actually also considering getting extensions. I did a shitty photoshop just to see what I would look like (I can't even picture myself with long hair in my head) and it's just weird. I've always wanted to experience long hair, though. It seems like fun.

That's about it. Blah blah cooking school blah blah my dad hates me all day.

Beeehehehehehehee

Lololololol :3
Dassit, mainly. I drew that quickly last night. I fucking hate that first smooth dark line on his body... I have to erase that and do it again, it's out of place. But I hate erasing dark lines like that... it takes an eternity. So anyway, yes, I still have the other pictures to work on... pffttt.
Ummm, well, my mum's back and Denise is over so there was this incredibly awkward 15 minutes with my aunt and cousins in my house. So. Awkward. The contrast between how we were raised is EXTREME. We have nothing in common. The whole time in my head, a little man whispering "..awkwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd..." and tapping his feet and frowning and sighing, over and over and over until they left.

I don't really have anything to say. I just feel that every blog entry should have SOME text in it. kbye

Just talking to myself...

Here's two previews of shit I'm drawing.
Blushing Ivan Fanart of Ivan from Gaiaonline. He's so cuuuuuute. The drawing has a few problems though, which I'll fix when I get out of my art block. -__-;
Stuff.

So... last night I was watching Kuroshitsuji (Which pissed me off btw- I downloaded in .mkv format and all of a sudden I needed to download codecs, when I did it still didn't work. I've never had this problem with .mkv before. I ended up just watching it in VLC player, which isn't a big deal but I just prefer other media players ;-;) and after I watched it, Vlad started making a scary wind-tunnel sound!! So I shut him down for the night. Now he's completely silent. Scary scary scaryyy!

Denise and I had a really great time downtown a couple of days ago, although I got a bit of anxiety when I had to walk to and take the train back by myself. (So...CROWDED.) I've done it plenty of times before, but I dunno, I guess I haven't been in crowds by myself in a long time. Besides that, now I long for more great days like that!

Mum came home from camping yesterday. I felt relief when she came home. It's really high tension in the house without her, because my brother and father don't often get along. One of the nights my brother got insanely drunk and I didn't even want to see him because he takes offense to EVERYTHING I say, especially when drunk. My dad wasn't there because now he has two jobs. I feel so horrible for him. He doesn't work on weekends, thank god, but he wakes up at 5am to work one job, gets home by two, and has to leave at 2:30pm to get to his next job, and he arrives home anywhere from 12am to 1:30am. He works so hard (<--- I actually mean this, lol!) and when he gets home he always gets shit from Alex. I don't understand it. Alex works one job on the weekdays (but takes off whenever he can) and lifeguards on weekends (if he gets the call.) But my mum and I haven't been able to find jobs. So my dad wants me to go to school in the fall. I guess I'm ok with that.

Alright, I'll shutup now. I know you guys only skim through my entries because they're so long and boring.

No shipping and handling!

RIP Billy Mays.
The hell is going on here?

Anyway, picture that isn't even finished, click for the lols:


Yesterday I went to my cousin's graduation party. One graduated from high school and one graduated from college. So they had their friends there. HOW STRANGE. I swear to god, their friends looked like the friends people have in a high school or college movie. Very trendy and "normal" looking white people, with one light skinned black guy thrown in so that black people don't get angry. SERIOUSLY.
So of course, I socialized minimally and hung out with the strange ones of the family (My cousin, her husband and the kids) Word spread about my cake and now I'm making a cake for the family's 4th of July party (although I didn't really plan on going- wanted to try holding my own 4th "party" this year.) Party meaning two friends, a boyfriend, sitting around with a flag in our hands. And then going to see the fireworks downtown. XD
Anyway! So instead of making the stereotypical American flag cake (Ugh, SO overdone!) I'm making a fireworks cake. THAT'S RIGHT SUCKA.
I have been inhaling food today, like, WHAT THE FUCK. Like, after I did the laundry every hour I have been eating medium size meals. Mother nature's kind of a bastard. I still love her, I GUESS.
Anything else I wanna say?
Oh! I hope you guys like the new layout. :) Please use the shoutbox (the 'comment' link) to comment if you wanna, although I hardly ever get comments so I don't really expect anything T_T.
♥ the tags! XD

Yeah, I do feel a bit better.

My mum was coming home with my aunt so I decided to make a nice dinner.
Denise came over to help me. :D
I made this awesome turkey breast that was covered with rosemary and parsley and in the skin I stuck in lemons and oranges. it was so moist and the citrus went so well with the flavor. I also put a bit of extra fresh squeezed lemon and orange juice in the gravy and it made the gravy very light. Turned out better than I expected! I should have this low expectation for everything. X] I was going to make baby red mashed potatoes but almost the entire sack of potatoes was ROTTEN. I was looking for a smell all morning, because I cleaned the entire kitchen and I still smelled something. D:
Anyway, since I couldn't do that, and it turns out that there were only four regular potatoes, I baked those. (Microwave ftw.) I also microwaved some frozen veggies. Ta-da! Dinner. My mum and my aunt arrived late, we ended up eating without them, and they didn't even eat it. :(

I guess the real story is the cake denise and I made. I made the fondant beforehand and stuck it in the freezer. It was HILARIOUS. It was just marshmallow on a double boiler that was kneaded with shortening and confectioner's sugar. The recipe didn't tell me to wait for it to cool so that it was easier to work with. So I poured the marshmallow goo onto a greased counter and started "kneading".. nearly all of it got stuck onto my hands and every time I tried to get it back on the counter I would spill a ton of sugar on myself and all over the floor. (After I cleaned the kitchen at like 5 this morning.) but after I got it completely covered in sugar, it was easy to remove and ok to work with. It was quite hot though so it would tear in my hands. I wish it were a cooler day. :( So yeah, then I double-wrapped it and put it in the freezer to cool.
Then I started making the cake, it was pretty easy. Mixing cocoa and red food coloring looks like chunky PERIOD BLOOD, so if you wanna pull a really gross prank there you have it.
I baked them in 2 8" cake pans. It took 40 minutes. Denise helped me put the buttercream frosting on, I put some raspberries inbetween the layers- which tasted FANTASTIC by the way (the raspberries absorbed the sweetness of the buttercream.) Then we frosted it. We took out the fondant and started working it because it was stiff from being cold. I rolled it out and put it on, cut it up to fit better, and voila! There it was. So awesome! I decorated the bottom of the cake with red frosting (which was really difficult because the decorating tips I had were too small for the tube [kinda my fault])and then dotted the sides. Denise put buttercream frosting on top while I put the raspberries in place. And there it is! It was the most beautiful and delicious thing I've created.