Man oh man. Now I feel like I'm mostly (for real) out of my first-and-last relationship. Like, when we broke up, the line between boyfriend-love and friend-love was fuzzy. now it's more clear. And now that it's clear, it feels like my 14-year-old self just dove right back into my body and now I am a cesspool of ugly and angst. It's pretty horrible.
It was weird. You know, towards the end of it.. I didn't feel the same way about him as when we first started going out, and yet I felt "love?" because I knew that I still had him by my side. Now I know that I won't have him by my side all the time and it's really... strange. It makes it really difficult because I only have three friends to count on, and he's one of them.
Anywho, ever since then, I haven't been able to draw. I've got that lingering doom and gloom thing going from when I was a teen-kid, and masks don't work on me. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I always blurt out my true feelings. I HATE ITTT. I want to be cute again. I want to be cute again. It's embarrassing that I just, back flipped right into my old skin. Does that make sense? I left 14 year old me behind for a REASON... but that reason was love, and now I don't have it.
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