Hopefully releasing the demons

Hey hey y'all.
I hardly write here.. I think it's because of status updates on facebook. XD Kinda like most people know what's goin' on in my life but I'll write here anyway. It's good once in a while, right?
Right.
1. I keep getting asked about when I'm going to get a job, as if I had control over that. Seriously, I wish I got hired. I feel horrible and useless. Lately I feel like I haven't been doing enough to find a job but I think I AM doing all that I can, if that makes any sense. I feel guilty, as if I haven't been trying, but I HAVE- so I think I'll always be kinda depressed like this until I find a job.

2. Sometimes I'll go through a day or two super hyped about drawing. I'll start working on two or three concepts and then I'll completely run out of juice the next day and then I have these unfinished fucking drawings in my folders taking up space and eating dick until I bother to look at them again. I FUCKING HATE THIS. I don't know why I do this. I wish the feeling of creativity would last but it never does. It takes a lot for me to be inspired, apparently.

3. I wish I got paid to draw. Seriously. I know that if I was commissioned I would work diligently on it. I know it. I have a feeling like it's forced, I must do it because I aim to please. I need someone else to benefit from my drawings, I guess. I mean, I post a picture and I guess people like what I do but where's my gratification? I drew this picture and I get ZERO feedback so I don't improve, and I don't get any money for it so it's not like it's worth anything. The drawing doesn't have significance to me because I'm giving the art to ME, which isn't satisfying at all. Does that make sense? People wouldn't bother paying for my work anyway, because it does need a LOT of improvement...

4. Cooking has also taken a backseat because we're extra low on money so we're just buying the things that we absolutely need.

5.Got a gym membership, but the last time I went by myself I got extemely paranoid and couldn't complete my workout. You know, those times where you measure the amount of people in the room by how many eyes there are? Yeah. I felt like everyone was staring at me, because I'm new, I'm young, I'm a girl. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb, and I probably did. I absolutely need a gym partner that actually has a membership at Balley's and will keep up with a schedule.

I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. Some people look at me and say I'm really not that bad, but you have to take a look at my family. My dad is ALWAYS in shape, my mum is naturally skinny and has always been, and my brother is always skinny as well (for other, unhealthy reasons, but skinny nonetheless.) My parents are the type of people who laugh at fat people (unless they know them). Being in a family like this has made me focus way too much on physical appearance. Health, mostly, but physical appearance almost as much. Fat, unemployed non-student who is afraid to drive. I feel horrible, really. Honestly terrible.

I wish I knew how to move on with life. I feel like I am just frozen here. A 'Groundhog Day'-esque hell.

Ever since that time, it's like you want me dead but you're doing it one weak jab at a time. And I think you're fully aware of this, you feel the need to get revenge for everything that happens to you so you're just going to continue this way until you get what you want because this is what you do to EVERYBODY. For some reason you have it in your head that everyone is the fucking same. You probably don't THINK it, it's just a PART of you. There's something in you that says, this happened to me once, this will happen EVERY FUCKING TIME. I hope you will be able to move on some day soon, because I've been nothing but good to you ever since and you still insist on jabbing me, even though I didn't do anything wrong. I want to be your friend. Why not?

Aside from that, I haven't been doing anything. I guess halloween was fun, but I'm in a bad mood so everything seems shitty right now. You know, aside from the things that are actually shitty. Won't be able to afford this place soon. So hopefully we can get enough money in time.

And then cold happens.

The fall was nice at first but now it's freezing and rainy all the damn time. It's making me very irritable and depressed. On top of that, I've had a cold that turned into a sore throat/cough. Ugh!

Have I been drawing? Only commissions on Gaia. Have I been taking photos? No, cos I've been sick. Well, I've taken plenty of photos since the first one. I think I am getting closer to my dream of being cute. Denise, Eric and I have been trying to learn Japanese, but I'm so forgetful without a tutor or teacher. u__u Well, it's been fun so I don't care. I suppose we can wait to afford it some day, but in the meantime what we've been doing is fine.

Found another cute avatar site, Tinier Me which I've been having fun with.

Eric and I talked yesterday. Let's say, I've been having problems. I've been having problems for a while, and he hasn't remedied this. He finally realized it, but even though he said he would try to change and improve, I'm still skeptical and my problems haven't changed. I've been waiting it out for a long while. Waiting isn't really my thing.

I am a typical and atypical princess. Hope this wasn't too confusing, though it probably is! Oh well.

So!

In my quest to become cute, I've discovered- being cute is all about confidence! No one believes a person who is under confident like I am. I read a few tips to become self confident.
Dress well, walk faster (check!), good posture, compliment yourself/highlight good traits, gratitude, compliment other people, speak up, and work out!
I've already started working on my clothes (buying less baggy and unflattering clothes). I really need to work on my posture and my.. voice. XD I need to be louder. I will try to run today when it gets darker.
I've also started a photo project to help me build confidence in my appearance. One photo a day.

I am beautiful

I finally installed the asian language pack so I can see all of the characters instead of weird squares with numbers in them. Ah, it feels so good to see an actual language. XD
I've created a cute character, kinda through the buddy poke thing. :]

And that's it!
If you also need to boost your confidence you should do the same as me, and we can support each other. :)

NYAF: Days 2 & 3

Day two... I forgot because I didn't write it right away, but I remember being irritated almost the entire time. I was in like survival mode this entire weekend so my hunger didn't bother me too much. My boots were killing me, it was way too crowded, I tore my petti because my boot got caught in it and no one would help me get it out... I dunno, a lot of things. I had a good time at panels and screenings but irritation was always buzzing around my head for some reason. Ummm, we watched the first three episodes of Soul Eater- interesting! I've been meaning to watch it for a while and never got around to it. I hate Black Star though. (Seriously- "BELIEVE IT!" style.) The Masquerade was really cool, as usual. Uncle Yo was hilarious,as usual. Oh! That reminds me- we only watched some of his stand up in the morning because the steampunk in anime panel was yesterday! It was cool, although they listed the animes way too fast and we kinda missed most of the list. u__u But the discussion was nice. Oh, I pretty much wore the same outfit, except with kitty ears and collar.

Day three. Wore jeans, corset (on the black side), cat collar, cat ears (which I took off because they like, recede because my hair doesn't hold anything in place), platform shoes, star shirt, black sweater. Not too out of the ordinary.
Bought: two shirts, a Reni Mimura CD, circle lenses (contacts that make your eyes look big and cute), two pairs of earrings, and a necklace. More about this later.
Today we went to (shortly) finding anime in new york. I'm sorry, that speaker had the ability to make anything boring. It was informative though. We went to the neo-victorian fashion show, GORGEOUS pieces. Seriously. It's mostly lolita, with some added elegant gothic lolita. Loved the queen outfit!! And we went to the anime parliament. It's brilliant in concept and is hilarious when executed well, but we didn't have the time to discuss more things. (Today we discussed that Gohan should have been taken away by child services because of events during Dragon Ball, Sasuke and how he could have taken the good path- comparison to batman, and bishounen in gundam [a shonen anime].) This morning was great though- one of the booths plays music really loud. So a little dance party broke out during "Celebrate" (Holiday! Celebrate!)- obvvviously we started dancing as well. Then we got Rick Roll'd! We danced to that EVERYONE joined in at that one. Then YMCA came on! Then.. "Give it to me baby" By rick james came on, and we started a soul train but security came and fucked everything up. NYAF doesn't have a rave so we were getting dance in anywhere we could. u__u
People randomly were playing twister! lol!
Anyway, we said bye to everyone when we walked out (seriously.) "Hope you had a great time! See you next year! We'll miss you!" We got lots of hugs. :3
So our new goal (Denise and I) is to be super cute (to continue from earlier.) Our inspiration is Reni Mimura- SHE IS SO ADORABLE WE WANTED TO KILL OURSELVES. So I the things I bought were cute. Bunny earrings to match the bunny ring I got, ice cream necklace to match the ice cream ring I bought, I bought This in black, and (I can't find a picture) but a brownie shirt that says "Every day is sweet" on it. So... yup, that's my new goal!
I'm seriously going to miss it though, I love the sense of community and the love between anime fans. It's seriously great. I wonder where I can get that during the year.

NYAF: Day One

Yeayy! Day one of anime festival. I'm writing about it now so I don't forget.
Eric came, then he left, then David came, then eric came and then we waited beyond time to leave so that Denise would come. Then when I realized everyone was going in some sort of cool outfit, I put one on myself. (photo to be inserted later?) It was my new black boots, my black and white striped knee high socks, my black skirt with petticoat, black button-up with black and gray vest and a black cardigan. David let me borrow his mini hat while he borrowed my top hat. I put on doll-style lipstick and eyeliner and ta-da! cool outfit.
We got there and looked around at the dealer's room. I bought two rings! A cute bunny and ice cream ring. I pretty much wanted to buy everything in the room, but when we got to the corset booth, I bought a waist cincher and spent allll the money in my wallet. Lol. It's copper and black, it's also reversible to an all black side so I can use it with most stuff I have! I'm so excited about it. It's super comfortable and it gives me a really cool steampunk or gothic look! (I guess I like wearing extremely tight things.)We saw the cosplay dating game and, the host kept it interesting but it was hard to understand because you really had to watch the anime the characters were from to understand the questions and answers. Then we saw Zombie survival It had it's moments but it was kinda boring. Then we went to disorganization XIII (discussion about RPGs) and they spent a lot of time answering questions (especially from this guy that was really angry and disagreed with everything they said- I started hysterically laughing at some point because I dunno, he was at least in his 30s and he was so irritated and disagreeable about such a light subject!) but they had their funny moments as well. I hugged a lot of people. People asked for my photograph even though I wasn't cosplaying. ("Can... can I take a photo of you?" "Sure! *stands up* "Ok...*takes a picture*...you're a lot bigger when you stand up.. you looked so small when you were kneeling... can you get on your knees?")
We saw Cencoroll, a short movie. It was extremely interested but towards the end it got really confusing and then it ended. lol but it was still good.
The it was the cosplay variety show. The AMV was hilarious, then last skit was great (I don't like the show but it I could tell they worked hard on it!) Although the main guy in that skit was also the host and he kept on singing. The pink haired dude did a dance that looked like he coreographed for the first song, and then for the last four songs he just fucking did whatever he wanted and expected people to get up and clap and dance but IT WAS THE END OF THE NIGHT and we were all fucking EXHAUSTED.
The violinist (cosplaying La Cordo D'Oro) looked like she was going to cut herself because I guess she didn't like how she did but it sounded fine and she stopped during the middle of the last song. This one girl did two bad dance routines. Someone stepped in at the end of the second dance routine and said "YO YOU REAL GOOD AND SHIT, AND I'MMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT xxxxxx WAS THE BEST VOCALOID OF ALL TIME. OF ALL TIME!" I didn't hear what he said, lol. but obligatory internet meme's for the win. :] So many annoying scenesters. What the fuck were they doing there? Serious.
Ummm, I dunno, that shit was awesome. I can't wait for tomorrow. I'm planning on buying bronze goggles to match the corset. Also like a ton of other things. Jeeeeesus. Two steampunk panels tomorrow, too! AND Uncle Yo! AND the masquerade!and a ton of other shit I'm too tired to remember. lolol. goodnight.

'sup, it's been a while.

Nothing's been going on. For real.
It turns out we're not cosplaying so no sewing projects.
Well, I made a mini-top hat but I wanted to add bows to cover the seams. So it's not really done yet. I bought a few other fabrics but my mum wants to buy patterns as opposed to me measuring out my own. (tried and true patterns from online, too.)
I wanted to go as Flapjack for halloween, but I totally want Eric to be Captain Knuckles and I know he's not going to want to do that. u__u
So uh, any ideas? Devon + Denise let's do a group thing! :]

Oh. Oh. I totally forgot my birthday passed since my last entry. woaaah. It was cool. Just a dinner at my house. As per EVERY YEAR, my mum got drunk and made up shit about where I'm from. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. I dont know how the subject always comes up, but it does, and then I say, yeah I'm puerto rican, french-jamaican, british, irish, german, and sicilian. and then she'll be all like "....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Jaysussss. My life is a lie.

Anyway. Here's some pictures for your EYEBALLS.


The first two are for my villain themed charity on Gaia. :] I really need to recolor them. u__u
The third one was a gift. Lolol shoujo-ai :D
The last one is a portrait of a Gaian's son, named Aiden. He was very cute. It was for a contest.

Beep

:|

I haven't written in a while! I've had an art block and I don't like to write without having a drawing, because I know my entries are boring. u__u
So to get out of my art block, I drew my avatar on Gaia. As I usually do to get out of a block. So here it is.


My birthday passed, it was nice. It was a small dinner. Ridiculous as can be, though. As usual, there was a conversation with my mum about where I'm from, and it's fucking different every year. Goddamn wine.

Anyway, there's really not much to say. I just wanted to write an "I'm alive" post.

Yesssss. *rubs hands together*

I bought white fabric, navy blue fabric, lace, and two anchor patches. Can we sayyyy adorable sailor dress. FUCK YES.
Also bought these two awesome dudes. Click to enlarge.

[view two] [Deeeelighted!] [Heeeeello!] [Apollo=Godzirra]
Notice how NOT shitty the photos are? Yeah, that's my mum's camera. I always get the bullshit cameras. u__u oh well, I know I'm not really a photographer (I hate the lighting in the first one! Ugh.)
They're for halloween, but they're so awesome I'll keep 'em around all year. Those are the types of sculptures I wanted to make ;-; but the damn classes didn't give me any time. I've got clay in the house, so I'm considering trying it again.
Ah, so let me backtrack. I went shopping with my mum and my aunt. We went to a craft store (no fabric but felt, which I bought to make hats) and I encouraged my mum to pick up a sketchbook for herself. She's a fantastic artist and now that she has the time, she should start up again! I look forward to flipping through it (and showing you guys). She also bought a small one for me. We also bought these really cool messenger bags for $4 EACH. Can you fucking believe that? Finding a good one is hard, and then it being so CHEAP? Such a good find. She bought two and I bought two- one in black and one in yellow. I plan on drawing all over the yellow one. x]

Ah, I feel inspired.

:3

I need to dive back into life, give me a push.

Man, oh man I haven't written in a while. Well... I've done nothing much in that time, really. I've finally thought of tattoo ideas which I will not be putting up, because what if someone gets it before me? :( Then it won't be as special.
But I also haven't been drawing. I haven't really felt inspired. Dang, time has just ran past me and now I'm trying to remember...
*Oh, i remembered something! H&M FINALLY opened in cross county and I looove that shit. I bought these super duper awesome shoes, but they are JUST too small [by a half a size or one size] stretching should do the trick, though. Also, some shoe insoles because heels wreck me. Click for extra picture.

I couldn't find them on the website because I don't understand how to navigate it AT ALL. All there is are shitty pictures of fucktrendy models. What the pee town.
Anyway. My speakers now will only play on the left side or the right, depending on how I adjust the cord, but they never play simultaneously. So I need new speakers. My birthday's coming up, so hopefully that can be covered. :]
So yeah, my birthday is coming up. I don't know what I want to do because my friends are so different from each other. What ties us together? Nothing much anymore. :[ I don't even have that many friends... so maybe I'll do what I did last year and sleep.

38 days until NYAF. I hope that I will have money to spend there, because Hip Hop Candy will be there and their shit is so adorable. ♥ I think that Denise and I can make the dresses soon, we modified it a bit so it's easier and cuter.
I want to go to a dermatologist for my awful hair and my increasingly awful skin. The white spots I've had on my stomach and chest since I was young have moved up to my face. Ever since I got a stupid tan. Now I never want to tan again. I've been taking biotin for my hair and I think it did help a little, my hair has grown (as in, my hair grows just a tad more than it breaks -__-). I'm actually also considering getting extensions. I did a shitty photoshop just to see what I would look like (I can't even picture myself with long hair in my head) and it's just weird. I've always wanted to experience long hair, though. It seems like fun.

That's about it. Blah blah cooking school blah blah my dad hates me all day.

Mums are super pervs.

And I don't mean the flowers. D<<<<

Okay, so after Denise, Walter, Eric and I got back from Chinatown we came to my house. We were just hanging out, playing video games or watching movies, whatever-the-fuck.My parents left to go see my cousins who magically appeared in NY from TX. My mum comes asks to see me in the kitchen, and says "No monkey business." Well, previous to that, she said "Keep it monopewpewpew pewwww!" Seriously though, she used this like five syllable word and I have no fucking clue what she was talking about. I remember thinking the first or second syllable was a root word for sex- or something related to that- so I can conclude she meant something along the lines of "no fucking". So let me move on;
WHAT THE FUCK????
So she can leave me and Eric alone without a warning. But when ANOTHER couple is here, she has to give me a warning?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? SUPER GROSS. FUCKING SUPER DUPER SIIIIIIIICK.
I asked my mum about the spots (that are predominantly on my chest, but are also on my stomach) and she said "You have spots all over your chest? That could be an allergic reaction to something. ... Real nice, VQ."
WHAT
THE
FUCK
Then I had to quickly pull up my shirt to show her my spotty scabby stomach! You've GOT to be kidding me!
I remember when I bought ...those plastic balloon things, they were like putty and then you stuck a straw in them, and blew them up. They stayed as balloons for a long time, and could stick together.. anyway!
Devon A. and I bought this and my mum told me to keep the door open because she thought we were trying to inhale the fumes from the plastic stuff.
On my birthday someone rang the doorbell and I got really excited and I ran towards the door and my shoulder accidentally rammed into the wall. She asked if I was ok and looked into my eyes. I KNOW SHE WAS CHECKING TO SEE IF I WAS HIGH OR DRUNK OR WHATEVER. (These things happened when I was like, 14 or 15, btw.)
This WOMAN. THIS LADY I FEEL LIKE HITTING HER WITH A MALLET. She's ALWAYS trying to make me look perverted/drug addicted! WHAT IS THIS OBSESSION.
Is it because I'm not DARING enough? Teens are daring, twisted people that are always doing CRAZY BULLSHIT and so I MUST BE A RETARDED MOTHERFUCKER too? Seriously. Sometimes I feel like she's trying to create some drama for me because my life is so boring. Alex is the drama llama. WHY DO I NEED TO TAKE PART. I thought I was helping her be less stressed by not doing anything stupid ;3;
I don't really have the urge to do anything stupid, either. Why am I so boring?

Anywho, this brings up a few questions:
Are your mums always thinking perverted around you? Or do they try to create (a) drama (in their head)?
Do your mums suspect you of doing crazy shit, or do they know and trust you well enough?

Edit!
I'm glad I picked up Uzumaki. Here's a fan art. If you get scared easily you might not want to look at it. Or maybe you won't be able to figure out what's going on. Anyway, here it is.

Yeay!

Vlad's still in bad shape, but I don't think we're in a horrible money situation anymore, so I might be able to get a new computer/build one.
Speaking of purchases, my mum and I went on a bit of a shopping spree today. I finally got to see Chef Central!! It's an awesome store, although smaller than I had imagined it. We got a new pastry bag and some tips, a bamboo mat, tea leaves, chopsticks, a cake decoration book, seaweed, food coloring.. that's all I can remember right now, lol. But they had so much cool stuff there! Pasta makers and tart molds (I wanted them SO BAD. Each tart mold was $5! Can you believe that? For like a 3-4 inch mold.) and they had soooo many cake materials, I was in HEAVENNNN. But I'm not that good at it yet so I want to keep practicing with my current materials. But ugh, I can't waiiiit to get baking with these things. And, as you could tell, I wanted to try to make sushi. :3
And theeeen, we went to Barnes and Noble. They moved the manga section to the back wall-shelf (instead of in the bookshelves next to them) and there was a lot more stuff! HERE I went crazy. I bought D. Gray-Man 1-3, Uzumaki 1-2, La Corda D'Oro 1-2, and Godchild 1. YESSSSSSSSSS. They had the new Petshop of Horrors series but not the old one, so I didn't get it. I was also gonna get Dramacon 1-3, but I got La Corda and Godchild instead. I can't wait to read them! Also, they stopped stocking FAKE everywhere. Why is this? :< I only have 1-3.
Aaaaanyway. Here's a drawing I did of my GaiaOnline avatar.

Omg, I swear to god, I just realized I spelled Ras with a Z here. I switch between Ras and Raz for different games, I guess I just forgot! My username on GaiaOnline is Ras Choco.

Beeehehehehehehee

Lololololol :3
Dassit, mainly. I drew that quickly last night. I fucking hate that first smooth dark line on his body... I have to erase that and do it again, it's out of place. But I hate erasing dark lines like that... it takes an eternity. So anyway, yes, I still have the other pictures to work on... pffttt.
Ummm, well, my mum's back and Denise is over so there was this incredibly awkward 15 minutes with my aunt and cousins in my house. So. Awkward. The contrast between how we were raised is EXTREME. We have nothing in common. The whole time in my head, a little man whispering "..awkwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd..." and tapping his feet and frowning and sighing, over and over and over until they left.

I don't really have anything to say. I just feel that every blog entry should have SOME text in it. kbye

Ok, serious business.

The dots are mostly on my boobs. WTF, I already have to deal with one being about three times the size of the other.
Another one appeared, and it's a tad bloody. And it hurts. What the fuck? What the HELL is this shit?

I'm tired of having skin conditions already. And I still have one unresolved skin condition, besides the acne and this new fucking necrotic looking shit.

New nickname: zombie tits

GEEEOOORRRGGEE THATS GOLD RIGHT DERE GOOOOLLLDD
when are we gettin ta hollywood

I've been out of it.

My brain is sick. :(
I'm working on three drawings right now. I've kinda been in a rut in general, I guess. I haven't drawn anything I'm really happy with recently, I've been deleting all the stuff I had been working on. I haven't cooked in a while, either. David gave me a call to drop off Sandra's baby stuff here (that he's been trying to get to Denise for the longest) and hang out, but honestly, I don't feel up to it. That's not even something that I should need to "feel up to".
Red dots have been appearing on my stomach and chest, and the skin peels on the red dots. What the hell is that. They're not raised. They're just red dots. What is that.
I went to a Barnes and Noble in Co-op city yesterday and they had like all the manga I need to read. I picked one out that I believe i had just enough money for, I look in my wallet and some of the money wasn't there. Just a five was in there. And now the mangas are going to be gone, and they're going to restock number 26 and number 7 and number 104, but not 1, 2, 3, 4, etc. The FYE there also had a well stocked anime section, although I say this in perspective of the shitty anime section we have in the FYE on Broadway, that only has DBZ, Naruto, then fuckhuge expensive box sets for Haruhi and Fruits Basket, some gundam, and whatever else is on Adult Swim. With all the porn mixed in so you look like a pervert when you're just trying to look for something decent.
Vladimir has been having a hard time. Please don't tell me that's why I've been out of it. That is pathetic. He's having such a hard time, I've actually been thinking about getting a new computer completely. I want another Vaio, but all the new Vaios are all-in-one computers, which I hate. And I don't know anything about buying a new computer anymore (brand-wise). What are good computer companies? I know about the parts, but will they last, is my question.

Food and Video games.

I LOVE BLAZBLUE. M y fav rite arac er is A akune. I wish I had my own 360 so I could play it all day. It's a fighting game, but there is an actual storyline. Like, you know when you play a fighting game there's just like vs. player 2 or vs. cpu [arcade mode]? And then the CPU is just like HERES THIS GUY LOL ROUND 1 FITE!!!!!!!!1 ?? You know? This game [in story mode] has like a little "animation" for each round. It's not really a flowing animation, it's a background with the involved characters changing expressions and poses and stuff, but ya know. LOVE IT.
I'm kinda late with the BlazBlue love, but oh well.

Anyway, lately I've had this insatiable urge to cook and bake. And my mum is like ssslllllooooooooooooooow doooooooooooooooooown and I'm like fuck you! and I kick her in the face with my ENERGY LEGS. And I really really wanna open that tea house LIKERIGHTNOW. Oh well, more time to practice and plan, right? :3 I need to talk to a dude who's smart and can help me with that.
What else? I need to start playing pokemon again so I have motivation to draw more gross pokemon. WHY AM I SO UNMOTIVATED TO DO EEVVEERRYYTTHHIINNG. Is that a disease? Cure it. I feel more fat now, on a similar note. Like, I can feel my double chin there. All like gelatin. Squigglin' around, trying to make me look uglier. :( and my tummy shows through almost all of my shirts now! Great.

All aboard.

Awwww ♥ I love him so much.

Anyway, I want to open a FUCKING TEA HOUSE. Kickass. A cafe type place with tea, coffee, candies and pastries, pretty much.
I also want to open an arcade with Eric. And the manga shop with Denise! So much to do, so little money. WHY DOES EVERY ENTRY INVOLVE MONEY, I HATE THIS.

My mum bought cake pans and bowl-scrapers and stuff for meeee. So I can practice cakes and work on other types of pastries. I really want to make a cake roll. They are SO CUTE. But still nothin' towards ram and space for Vladdy, or gym for me. u__u That's ok, SACRIFICE! Anyone need a cake for an occasion? Or no occasion at all? That's the best time to have sweets. All the time. :D
There's really nothing else to say. I'm out!

Just talking to myself...

Here's two previews of shit I'm drawing.
Blushing Ivan Fanart of Ivan from Gaiaonline. He's so cuuuuuute. The drawing has a few problems though, which I'll fix when I get out of my art block. -__-;
Stuff.

So... last night I was watching Kuroshitsuji (Which pissed me off btw- I downloaded in .mkv format and all of a sudden I needed to download codecs, when I did it still didn't work. I've never had this problem with .mkv before. I ended up just watching it in VLC player, which isn't a big deal but I just prefer other media players ;-;) and after I watched it, Vlad started making a scary wind-tunnel sound!! So I shut him down for the night. Now he's completely silent. Scary scary scaryyy!

Denise and I had a really great time downtown a couple of days ago, although I got a bit of anxiety when I had to walk to and take the train back by myself. (So...CROWDED.) I've done it plenty of times before, but I dunno, I guess I haven't been in crowds by myself in a long time. Besides that, now I long for more great days like that!

Mum came home from camping yesterday. I felt relief when she came home. It's really high tension in the house without her, because my brother and father don't often get along. One of the nights my brother got insanely drunk and I didn't even want to see him because he takes offense to EVERYTHING I say, especially when drunk. My dad wasn't there because now he has two jobs. I feel so horrible for him. He doesn't work on weekends, thank god, but he wakes up at 5am to work one job, gets home by two, and has to leave at 2:30pm to get to his next job, and he arrives home anywhere from 12am to 1:30am. He works so hard (<--- I actually mean this, lol!) and when he gets home he always gets shit from Alex. I don't understand it. Alex works one job on the weekdays (but takes off whenever he can) and lifeguards on weekends (if he gets the call.) But my mum and I haven't been able to find jobs. So my dad wants me to go to school in the fall. I guess I'm ok with that.

Alright, I'll shutup now. I know you guys only skim through my entries because they're so long and boring.

Lapse

Here's some drawings.


The first one is the updated sprite based on me. s/he is called V&Bun. The other one was supposed to be #94483's sprite, but it's too messy. I kept on losing his personality when I cleanly lined him, so I'll try again another time.
So today one of the kids from the block was hanging out with a bunch of dudes my age or so on a stoop and he said "yo, whatsup" and went to give my a pound. I was confused, but i went to give him one anyway, when he pulled back and said psyche. I stared at him for a moment, ready to fucking lunge at his throat, but I was in the middle of trying to get something to the post office, so I had to leave. When I walked by again, he mentioned something about me having a stick up my ass. Can you fucking believe this? ME, HAVING A STICK UP MY ASS. How often am I so stiff? Honestly. I can honestly say he doesn't fucking know me and shouldn't be talking shit, he doesn't even know my fucking NAME and he does that shit. I could have come back out with a knife for all he knew. I'm so pissed off he wasn't outside by the time I had finished up at the post office and came home.
I know I'm blowing this out of proportion-maybe- but COME ONNNN. Come the FUCK on. I'm tired of this shit! High school is over, and i'm being made fun of by people YOUNGER than me?! WHILE HE WAS WITH ADULTS?!?!?! FUCK FFUCK FUCK FUCK. I am so pissed.

In other news, I'm having a fucking mental BREAKDOWN like I can't do shit anymore. I wanted to earn a bit of cash by doing commissions, but I suck and no one is going to fucking BUY THIS SHIT. Uuuuughhhhh. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I even doubt I want to bake anymore. What am I going to do with my stupid stupid life.

The past two days

Uhhhh. Wow, I haven't written in a while. I haven't drawn anything worthwhile either. But here's some stuff. This one I drew of my fave fave fave original character, #94483. But It sucked so hard that I scrapped it. This screenshot remains. I'll work on another one!


And here's another sketch I did a while ago cos I feel bad about not drawing.


Happy belated 4th, btw. I went to the beach with my best friends+boyfriend. Although I spent most of the time annoyed or exhausted. I love being at the beach, though, so I still liked it. It's a weird feeling. I got to the beach, the sun was absolutely frying me to death. I went in the ocean, but I kept on getting splashed (HAIR. MUST. STAY. DRY.) I was really self conscious the whole time because I gained a bunch of weight. I enjoyed being with friends. I went off to play DDR, but it took forever to get everywhere (Eric had to get a beverage, was too picky, so we went around to a few places.) Overworked and nearly passed out after. Got to the beach and laid down, while it was noticably cooler. But being in a crowd annoys me. +the bathing suit/ generally more revealing clothing stuff. We left not too long after that. We saw cool carnival type stuff on our way out, but getting through the crowds of people pissed me off.
I dunno. It was a weird day for me. It felt very short and we didn't actually spend too much time together.

Today was the first time in a long time that Eric and I spent time together. We went to 14th and walked to Chinatown. St. Marks is now tiny Japantown. (*drools*)
Asians make me super self conscious as well. With their nice physiques and awesome hair and perfect skin. D< *shakes fist out of jealous rage*
I'm not paying $16+ for a wall scroll. I'm not paying $15+ for a 1-disc DVD with four episodes on it. I can pay $10 more and get a whole fucking season. Get the fuck OUT of here.
We played a game of DDR, but I had on sandals so I fucked up my first song. Then I had to play the next two songs standard and I got really pissed off. I hate wasting money by playing standard. I'm trying to push my limits and get better- and it doesn't work with standard.
I didn't eat this whole day. I just realized. Damn. We went into the mall. Eric fantasized about buying models of his boyfriends Sephiroth, Raito, and his guilty pleasure Cloud. :3 I wanted to buy a cute pillow, stuffed animal, or bag, but I can't muster up the courage to walk into the stores a lot of the time. They're so small, and I'm so BIG. They're for fucking tiny asian physiques. Plus, I always feel like a wapanese dickhead when I walk into stores like that...
eric, are you there? make plans with me more often. i'm scared of disconnecting.

No shipping and handling!

RIP Billy Mays.
The hell is going on here?

Anyway, picture that isn't even finished, click for the lols:


Yesterday I went to my cousin's graduation party. One graduated from high school and one graduated from college. So they had their friends there. HOW STRANGE. I swear to god, their friends looked like the friends people have in a high school or college movie. Very trendy and "normal" looking white people, with one light skinned black guy thrown in so that black people don't get angry. SERIOUSLY.
So of course, I socialized minimally and hung out with the strange ones of the family (My cousin, her husband and the kids) Word spread about my cake and now I'm making a cake for the family's 4th of July party (although I didn't really plan on going- wanted to try holding my own 4th "party" this year.) Party meaning two friends, a boyfriend, sitting around with a flag in our hands. And then going to see the fireworks downtown. XD
Anyway! So instead of making the stereotypical American flag cake (Ugh, SO overdone!) I'm making a fireworks cake. THAT'S RIGHT SUCKA.
I have been inhaling food today, like, WHAT THE FUCK. Like, after I did the laundry every hour I have been eating medium size meals. Mother nature's kind of a bastard. I still love her, I GUESS.
Anything else I wanna say?
Oh! I hope you guys like the new layout. :) Please use the shoutbox (the 'comment' link) to comment if you wanna, although I hardly ever get comments so I don't really expect anything T_T.
♥ the tags! XD

Yeah, I do feel a bit better.

My mum was coming home with my aunt so I decided to make a nice dinner.
Denise came over to help me. :D
I made this awesome turkey breast that was covered with rosemary and parsley and in the skin I stuck in lemons and oranges. it was so moist and the citrus went so well with the flavor. I also put a bit of extra fresh squeezed lemon and orange juice in the gravy and it made the gravy very light. Turned out better than I expected! I should have this low expectation for everything. X] I was going to make baby red mashed potatoes but almost the entire sack of potatoes was ROTTEN. I was looking for a smell all morning, because I cleaned the entire kitchen and I still smelled something. D:
Anyway, since I couldn't do that, and it turns out that there were only four regular potatoes, I baked those. (Microwave ftw.) I also microwaved some frozen veggies. Ta-da! Dinner. My mum and my aunt arrived late, we ended up eating without them, and they didn't even eat it. :(

I guess the real story is the cake denise and I made. I made the fondant beforehand and stuck it in the freezer. It was HILARIOUS. It was just marshmallow on a double boiler that was kneaded with shortening and confectioner's sugar. The recipe didn't tell me to wait for it to cool so that it was easier to work with. So I poured the marshmallow goo onto a greased counter and started "kneading".. nearly all of it got stuck onto my hands and every time I tried to get it back on the counter I would spill a ton of sugar on myself and all over the floor. (After I cleaned the kitchen at like 5 this morning.) but after I got it completely covered in sugar, it was easy to remove and ok to work with. It was quite hot though so it would tear in my hands. I wish it were a cooler day. :( So yeah, then I double-wrapped it and put it in the freezer to cool.
Then I started making the cake, it was pretty easy. Mixing cocoa and red food coloring looks like chunky PERIOD BLOOD, so if you wanna pull a really gross prank there you have it.
I baked them in 2 8" cake pans. It took 40 minutes. Denise helped me put the buttercream frosting on, I put some raspberries inbetween the layers- which tasted FANTASTIC by the way (the raspberries absorbed the sweetness of the buttercream.) Then we frosted it. We took out the fondant and started working it because it was stiff from being cold. I rolled it out and put it on, cut it up to fit better, and voila! There it was. So awesome! I decorated the bottom of the cake with red frosting (which was really difficult because the decorating tips I had were too small for the tube [kinda my fault])and then dotted the sides. Denise put buttercream frosting on top while I put the raspberries in place. And there it is! It was the most beautiful and delicious thing I've created.

Wow, today sucked.+edit

First off.
+ +
(Click for full picture)(The second one is the revision, is it better?)
THAT makes me really upset. We all grew up with him in our lives, and I thought he would be alive forever, or at least live to see the next generation. But no, at age 50, gone. I remember listening to his vinyls with my family when we got our sound system in the living room with the record player. I remember loving the song and video for "Scream" which he did with Janet. Watching the Jackson 5 movie that was like 4 hours long and always showing on some music channel. We all joked about his ever-changing appearance, the scandals, and his bizarre/extravagant way of living. But I loved his strangeness, especially because he was such a normal part of our lives. I loved neverland ranch, I loved that he was a child in an adults body. I loved that beautiful imagination. Today it shocked me that he wasn't immortal. It is so depressing and I can't get over it.
+Omg, I was watching the Michael marathon on BET and when the announcer guy said "The late Michael Jackson" I started crying my eyes out. I don't remember the last time I cried so hard. I slept for three hours, and when I woke up I thought it was a dream... alas, when I turned on the television he was still gone. I couldn't fall asleep after that.+

I don't know why, maybe I'm just PMSing and everything is impacting me a lot more than it should, but I am pretty angry about the project Denise and I are working on. I expected it from one of you, but not the other. Don't sound enthusiastic about something you're not enthusiastic about. Obviously you don't take it seriously, but I do. Doing that is just fucked up. Don't give me false hope.

And tomorrow I'm looking forwards to a day of cleaning the whole fucking house with no help because of man law. Hopefully, I will enjoy cooking dinner and baking/ decorating the cake and it will taste so fucking good I can forget all of this shit.

How things have been

Click to see the picture.
So I am SO LUCKY. Yesterday I picked up an original gameboy at unique! Of course, the sides are blanked out so i have to go in and fix it, but I don't have the right screwdriver so I have to buy one. (Is it me, or do I have to buy something new in every entry? T__T) I'm gonna paint it and go over it in clear nailpolish so it won't come off. I'm excited as hellllll.
So, Denise is over (as usual) XDD She's been over since the day before yesterday... we SPAZZED OUT. it was like 12am tuesday morning, and we got this huge burst of energy, we were listning to a weird remix of "Birthday Sex" and she was dancing all twitchy, and I was too, and then I ran over to the corner and started doing headstands and we were saying "TONE TONE, CHOCOLATE OR CHOCOLATE?!" "VANILLA" at eachother until like 1am, and then we just kinda died. It was RETARDED and hilarious. I still can't really do a headstand, I kept tumbling. :(
The next day I made dinner, chicken teriyaki with rice and salad with oranges. It didn't turn out the way I wanted, but it tasted DELICIOUS so it was fine. :) Eric and Devon also came over to eat. Yeayyy I like cooking dinner. :) My mum is away at my aunts house and so I've been having to do everything around the house. I fucking hate that I had to clean all the dishes after I cooked and then late at night Alex and or Dad eats 093218409387 things right after I cleaned everything up. FUCK!!
Anyway. I'm making a red velvet cake for when my mum comes back with my aunt on Friday. With fondant! So I can't wait for that. :)
I really really want to work on the project but I can't get started without Jennifer and Devon!! :(

Shit, dawg.

Hey Guyzzz. I've been pretty busy with bullshit, yep. I got the Sims 3 and my tablet on the same day, so I was pretty psyched yesterday. Then, when I tried to play the Sims, that shit didn't even show up. Then I found out my computer doesn't meet the requirements for the game. It very well could be the game itself (I've tried everything computer-side) but I'll see after I buy more fucking ram. Piss, I'm spending too much money. :|
I turned the computer over to look at the model number and i unplugged some usb's, and I went to plug the shit back in and the computer shut off. And it wouldn't turn back on. I was in teeeaaarrss man. I checked the power strip and everything else was working so I thought it died. Mum switches the plug this morning and the computer turned back on. I DIDN'T KNOW ONE PLUG COULD STOP WORKING. I'm retarded.

Anyway, ending with good news, I love my taaaablet! It has a texture so when I draw it feels like paper. That was kind of an issue with my last two tablets. It was a very smooth surface, so the pen slid easily, it kind of changed my style a bit. I haven't been drawing very well today, but here's something I did yesterday. (click to view entire picture)

Can't even talk.

I've been drawing, I swear! It's just that the drawings are surprises for later. Much later, unfortunately. You'll see them one day. But to make up for it, here's the latest gross pokemon drawing! (click to see the picture)

Can you name all of the pokemon? If you don't even give a fuck about naming the pokemon, here they are from left to right. (Highlight to read.)
Spinda, Marshtomp, Sableye, ( The fourth one is me, I'm not a pokemon [maybe])Kadabra, Azumarill.
I love sableye! So awesome. Which reminds me, my fucking save file on emerald was overwritten by a save file from like the beginning of the game. I was almost at the fucking elite four and I'm not fucking playing that shit anymore. Fucking BULLDICK.
Anyway, my sickness is worse than I thought it was. :\ I thought it would be mostly gone today, but it just seem that this sickness just does things a little different each day. First it was a sore throat, then it was runny/stuffy nose, now it's moved back to my throat and I have a really stuffy nose, also, my chest feels congested. I've developed a cough. My throat feels like sandpaper x___x the only relief I have is from tea, and it fills me up so I can't drink it all day. We're running out of honey! ;-;
Before I go to sleep I get really really sick and my whole body hurts. I don't know what's going on, but it better shut the fuck up soon. So please forgive me for not drawing a lot of post-able stuff!
In other news, I was expecting a real life monthly collectible yesterday-- well, it's really Denise's monthly collectible. But nothin' happened and the cash shop is temporarily closed. :(

What else? Hmmm... I don't think there is anything else left to say.

I am naturally slimey

Hahahawhaw, I'm just sick. woohoo, maybe I'll make up for all the time I spent NOT drawing! Expect another entry/and edit on this one later.
Yesterday was the scout dinner, I'm proud of you eagles! X]It was fun.
Someone asked me if I had ever modeled and I laughed and everyone at the table looked weirded out that she asked that.
I got a kiss on the hand from a kid. On the topic of hand kissing, why does everyone DO that now!? When Eric first did that to me, it was so special and romantic, he was my Tuxedo Mask! He was the only one that ever did that to me. Now people just do it all willy nilly. It's not special anymore. :( What is this sudden outburst of hand kissing?

Anyway, I've been thinking about cosplaying because NYAF is in September and I want to be READY, YO! I've been thinking about:
Kaname Kuran from Vampire Knight
A.B.A from Guilty Gear
I would LOVE to be Zappa, [he's my favorite!] but he has muscles. Although I just saw a cosplay of him by a chubby guy, and I don't think I'd be worse than that. Everyone knows I love to be squirmy so I know I could act the part.
Gimpi from GaiaOnline (Gaia is coming to NYAF, but if there are a lot of Gaians I will consider it!) Gimpi requires a ton of work (the skin! D:) so I might not do this, but I do love Gimpi so!
I would love more cosplay ideas because I'm not super duper excited about any of these ideas. (Kaname is very beautiful so I might not live up to expectations, A.B.A wears a short skirt + has a huge weapon and Zappa is muscley.)

I need to go to the gym, I need to call Planet Fitness about this because when I go to pay for it on the website it tells me that it doesn't cost anything, and I don't want to put in the credit card information not knowing what I'll be charged. I mean, maybe I'm retarded and I just don't understand it... if you understand it please tell me.
So yes, gym so I can be back in shape! Eating properly is never the problem for me- it's the inactivity. So I can definitely lose the weight in time for NYAF if I sign up soon.

That's about it. :O

Expenses.[+more]

FINALLY, FINALLY. I ordered a tablet today. I will no longer suffer. I swear, I was really struggling without it. I was always reaching into my little tablet-holding area on my desk and being disappointed, wanting to draw digitally again and not being able to (skillfully). I never realized how much I used it until I lost it. I think I'll keep it on top of the desk this time so that the wire won't be bending too much, i think that's the reason why the last one broke. The cord was folded and made the wires inside break, causing everything to short. Ffffuck me!
Today I was trying to figure out how much money I would be spending- I needed to buy the tablet first and foremost, so that's what I did. Then I want to buy the ticket for NYAF, $55. Then I want fabric/accessories/makeup for cosplaying. That's an unknown amount. (Especially because I don't know who I'll be cosplaying.)

Oh, and don't worry. I think you guys (Devon and Jenny) will be involved with our secret project. X] When I get my tablet (5-10 days) you'll find out about it, I suppose.

[Edit]
I am reviewing Pokemon World Online.
This will be a short and sweet.
It is an awesome concept. It brings you back to red and blue and you work your way forward in the series. It's like having all the games together and being able to share it with friends is a bonus! But the game is so buggy and laggy that it's nearly unbearable. There is a global chat screen at the bottom that is always full of different conversations, people trying to trade/sell pokemon and people shouting that they don't know what to do because there aren't really any clear instructions when you start the game. Because of this, I hardly ever noticed when people wanted to battle me. The controls suck. (some things you click and some things you press space bar for. I don't understand why the gameboy setup couldn't have been used. (A and B are Z and X, start is Enter, select is backspace, the arrows are the arrow pad.) The shops suck balls (no antidote?). I kind of like the idea that I "bond" with my pokemon over time, so when I found out that you could SELL your pokemon I was pretty pissed about it. Trading is like, here this guy will take great care of you, old pal. Buying is like, IVE BEEN TRAINING WITH YOU THIS WHOLE TIME SO I COULD SELL YOU AT A HIGHER PRICE! 8D

game. 1.5/5. Great potential. Ruined.

The stupid comes at night

So, Denise slept over from yesterday to today and we pretty much have the best idea ever. I can't wait until we can get this up and running. I don't want to tell anyone anything yet... especially if it does what most of our ideas do- die. D:
So I didn't really have time to draw pokemon so I just scribbled that little comic on MS paint. (A reminder of how desperately I want my tablet back...) Might do an ms paint comic like so, if you guys like it.
Short entry is short, so here's a screen shot I found of a trainer I encountered on emerald.

Woah.

So yesterday for my mum's birthday, I planned for her to go to horseback riding. That was my gift to her. And she said she didn't want to go. So then I looked like a douchebag with no gift. >:(
But besides that, my dad got her perfume and we ate at red lobster. (Haha! I saw someone wearing a dress!) The food and the drink I ordered was AWESOME. It was a (virgin) mango-berry daquiri. JESUSSSS, it was so kickasss!! came with a strawberry on the cup. Yum yum. We were supposed to go to cold stone afterwards (right next door to it) but no one wanted ice cream and my mum already got some from the Red Lobster because it was her birthday. It was a good day.
Then I went to the baby shower with artichoke and bbq chicken dip. Apparently people liked it, I wouldn't know. XD It was a fun night, and I FINALLY got to meet Denise's family AND her boyfriend. I've never met any of her boyfriends, like, wtf. He seems nice, I guess. I'm keeping an eye on him. (Man, I'm way too skeptical of people.)
Got home at 1 or so. Fed my Vlad addiction. Slept. Woke up at 6am because my brother has to be insanely loud in the morning for some reason. Fed my Vlad addiction. Drank orange juice. Went to sleep. Woke up at 12. Now I'm here doing whatever.
So here's some (sad) pokemans for you! I kinda rushed the second one, sry. :( (click to enlarge)

Obvious

as helllll.
I knew, as soon as I found out, that David Carradine died masturbating. Come on. Naked, hanged. They found out TODAY that it was accidental (although there's always room for murderrr). Pffft. I should be a CSI person. Except they should only give me "naked hanging" cases. CASE CLOSED, motherfucker! Sorry for being so blunt, but it's truuuue. Rest in Peace.

I did my laundry today! But I did it with my mum, which means I had to fold sheet and towels too. This is why I like to do my laundry by myself. :[
Today is a couple of people's birthday! You guys know who you are. Happy birthday!
Tomorrow is my mum's birthday. She said she didn't want to do anything, so I don't know what to do. :[ I don't even know what to do with myself on MY birthday.
I guess I'm just baking! :D

Here's some gross pokemon! (Click to enlarge)


x<-mantyke x<-smoochum.

I've just got this disease...

Where I can't stop wanting exotic pets. Snakes, servals, foxes! I waaaant! I watched the Fox and the Hound today with Denise. You know how Disney movies circle around depressing things? This didn't just CIRCLE around it, the movie WAS the definition of depression. I didn't realize it when I was a kid. I was an especially oblivious kid. The Fox and the Hound is also really under appreciated, I think.

My mum still wants me to do that gallery thing. ...maybe I'll put up that green thing I did a while ago. This is being held in a church, so I doubt they'd appreciate a lot of the other works I've done. Now that I look at it I don't even like it that much... but eh. better than anything else I've done lately.

I want to finish the 'baby pokemon' series and then I'll move on from there. So here's another one. (Click to enlarge)

The older she gets, the higher the eyebrows go.

boo boop be doop

Hey y'all. Denise is over, I dunno what to write, we've just been laughing all day. Yesterday was a boring day. I wish i could remember something to write, besides maybe Tammie Brown or Audition. Besides my fluctuating weight, and how it doesn't even show up on my body.

Hm. Nothing interesting. So here's something pretty to look at.


I drew a bunch of stuff but it's all shitty. Snugglebunny also sucks but it's less sucky than the rest of the shit I drew.

The name of the game is fail.

My original characters, Dr. Laszcu and Pipette.

Yesterday I saw there was an original game boy in Unique for $10. It was blank on the right side, it only took up a small part of the screen though. I went home to make a decision, seeing if there was any place that still did repairs on that model, then when I finally found out how I might fix it myself, the store was closed. Today I checked back, someone bought it yesterday. I was on the verge of tears, I was so pissed. Those cost $40+ at stores. FUCK. I wish I didn't ever make informed decisions! Can't I just make spur of the moment decisions like everyone else?!

In other news, my mum is encouraging me to put my stuff up in some gallery. $10 entry/hanging fee and 20% of sales go to the Suzy Masters Fund, whatever that is. I don't think I'm good enough, and my best work is on the computer. Where will I find good enough paper to print out work? Seems a little weird to hang a printed work in an art exhibit. I wish I painted more. I'm scared to waste the paint because I suck. My last painting was ballsack. Anyway, I think it's a dumb idea. No high class mofo wants some anime shit on their wall.

I like new clothes, but I hate shopping.

Let's see. On Friday, I went shopping with my mum and Denise, I bought three pairs of jeans (thank god, I ripped ALL of my jeans in bad places.) a shirt, and a new black sweater (it was torn up to death, man.) I don't know how all of my clothes keep ripping. I mean... I gained weight so I know I ripped out of my pants... D: (Sad and I hate saying it, but it's true.) but my sweater was absolutely worn. Fun.

Yesterday I went to the mall and I didn't buy A THING. Well, save for a 3-piece chicken tenders meal at Nathans. Oh, wait. I returned the chicken because I was almost finished with the first piece and there was something GREEN in it. DISGUSTING! It was almost bean shaped. That was the first time I returned food, that's for sure. I couldn't really eat much after that so I had a few fries and finished my iced tea. WTF. Later on my mum and I went to a play (it will remain unnamed because I completely forgot it.. it was something like "Finding the Rooster") It was really interesting and the actors were great. My mum's friend played an alcoholic mother. X] Her husband in the play totally reminded me of Daniel Day-Lewis (in There Will Be Blood). It was a play that made you think. There was a huge metaphor that the play circled around and I was like, "man, that's gotta MEAN something." and I just couldn't put my finger on it, but someone mentioned it afterwards and it was all like DING DING DING.

Cool beans.

Well, anyway, I'm hoping that I can buy lolita clothes from online... we'll see. X]

Here's more gross pokemon! (I didn't miss a day, it's just that the drawing was really shitty yesterday.) Click to enlarge!


Original pokemon:
[Mime Jr][Azurill]

buzz buzz buzz

Yesterday I was hanging out with... all of my friends! Today I was hanging out with my two closest friends. We were in our PJs like alllll day! XD So today I have two drawings.

I drew these right now, all rushed! So it's not very good. I just wanted to stay true to my word because I just started. X]
Lately I've been watching too many shows involving professional pretty people, and it's made me want to step it up in terms of looks. I mean, in terms of looking like a girl, because a lot of the time I like to be androgynous. (I used to hate it!)
Strange things, time (and television) has changed me so much. XD Anyway, so now I want to try harder with makeup and wear better clothes. Better, but not necessarily expensive! And I said I would try wearing high heels on a regular basis so when I do have to wear them I don't walk like a disproportionate robot. (locked knees, about to fall over) ^^; I always feel like people would be weirded out by me changing very suddenly like this. But ffffffuck it. Some days I'll be a girl, some days I'll be in between, and you can get the fuck out if you don't like it!

In other news, I've laughed so much today that my abs hurt as if I have been working out. CRAZY. My dad bought a bar... that is for working out. It's just a 12-pound bar. I don't think you can attach it to a doorway or whatever and use it for pull ups either, it's just a pole-shaped weight. ...Weird.
Anyway, yeay.

This month has been weird. So this post follows suit.

You know, my speaker has been on and off broken for about a year and I noticed about two months ago only the right speaker works now. A lot of the songs that I listen to use both speakers. Listening only through the right speaker is like listening to a whole new song! :)

I still want new speakers though. It's not always a good thing that it sounds like a whole new song. D:

I totally have to try drawing at least once a day. I tried it before but sometimes other stuff got in the way. (believe it or not, even for bums like me things come up.)
So here's my drawing for the day. (click to enlarge)

hey folks

I moved my blog again, oh joy of joys!
My nickname's VQ, that's what I like going by. (Sarah is lame.)

my latest obsession is pokemon emerald.
I'm currently on a diet.
and I'm listening to Joy Division.

My introductions are always awkward and occasionally painful. HI BLOGSPOT. 8]