Beeehehehehehehee

Lololololol :3
Dassit, mainly. I drew that quickly last night. I fucking hate that first smooth dark line on his body... I have to erase that and do it again, it's out of place. But I hate erasing dark lines like that... it takes an eternity. So anyway, yes, I still have the other pictures to work on... pffttt.
Ummm, well, my mum's back and Denise is over so there was this incredibly awkward 15 minutes with my aunt and cousins in my house. So. Awkward. The contrast between how we were raised is EXTREME. We have nothing in common. The whole time in my head, a little man whispering "..awkwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd..." and tapping his feet and frowning and sighing, over and over and over until they left.

I don't really have anything to say. I just feel that every blog entry should have SOME text in it. kbye

Ok, serious business.

The dots are mostly on my boobs. WTF, I already have to deal with one being about three times the size of the other.
Another one appeared, and it's a tad bloody. And it hurts. What the fuck? What the HELL is this shit?

I'm tired of having skin conditions already. And I still have one unresolved skin condition, besides the acne and this new fucking necrotic looking shit.

New nickname: zombie tits

GEEEOOORRRGGEE THATS GOLD RIGHT DERE GOOOOLLLDD
when are we gettin ta hollywood

I've been out of it.

My brain is sick. :(
I'm working on three drawings right now. I've kinda been in a rut in general, I guess. I haven't drawn anything I'm really happy with recently, I've been deleting all the stuff I had been working on. I haven't cooked in a while, either. David gave me a call to drop off Sandra's baby stuff here (that he's been trying to get to Denise for the longest) and hang out, but honestly, I don't feel up to it. That's not even something that I should need to "feel up to".
Red dots have been appearing on my stomach and chest, and the skin peels on the red dots. What the hell is that. They're not raised. They're just red dots. What is that.
I went to a Barnes and Noble in Co-op city yesterday and they had like all the manga I need to read. I picked one out that I believe i had just enough money for, I look in my wallet and some of the money wasn't there. Just a five was in there. And now the mangas are going to be gone, and they're going to restock number 26 and number 7 and number 104, but not 1, 2, 3, 4, etc. The FYE there also had a well stocked anime section, although I say this in perspective of the shitty anime section we have in the FYE on Broadway, that only has DBZ, Naruto, then fuckhuge expensive box sets for Haruhi and Fruits Basket, some gundam, and whatever else is on Adult Swim. With all the porn mixed in so you look like a pervert when you're just trying to look for something decent.
Vladimir has been having a hard time. Please don't tell me that's why I've been out of it. That is pathetic. He's having such a hard time, I've actually been thinking about getting a new computer completely. I want another Vaio, but all the new Vaios are all-in-one computers, which I hate. And I don't know anything about buying a new computer anymore (brand-wise). What are good computer companies? I know about the parts, but will they last, is my question.

Food and Video games.

I LOVE BLAZBLUE. M y fav rite arac er is A akune. I wish I had my own 360 so I could play it all day. It's a fighting game, but there is an actual storyline. Like, you know when you play a fighting game there's just like vs. player 2 or vs. cpu [arcade mode]? And then the CPU is just like HERES THIS GUY LOL ROUND 1 FITE!!!!!!!!1 ?? You know? This game [in story mode] has like a little "animation" for each round. It's not really a flowing animation, it's a background with the involved characters changing expressions and poses and stuff, but ya know. LOVE IT.
I'm kinda late with the BlazBlue love, but oh well.

Anyway, lately I've had this insatiable urge to cook and bake. And my mum is like ssslllllooooooooooooooow doooooooooooooooooown and I'm like fuck you! and I kick her in the face with my ENERGY LEGS. And I really really wanna open that tea house LIKERIGHTNOW. Oh well, more time to practice and plan, right? :3 I need to talk to a dude who's smart and can help me with that.
What else? I need to start playing pokemon again so I have motivation to draw more gross pokemon. WHY AM I SO UNMOTIVATED TO DO EEVVEERRYYTTHHIINNG. Is that a disease? Cure it. I feel more fat now, on a similar note. Like, I can feel my double chin there. All like gelatin. Squigglin' around, trying to make me look uglier. :( and my tummy shows through almost all of my shirts now! Great.

All aboard.

Awwww ♥ I love him so much.

Anyway, I want to open a FUCKING TEA HOUSE. Kickass. A cafe type place with tea, coffee, candies and pastries, pretty much.
I also want to open an arcade with Eric. And the manga shop with Denise! So much to do, so little money. WHY DOES EVERY ENTRY INVOLVE MONEY, I HATE THIS.

My mum bought cake pans and bowl-scrapers and stuff for meeee. So I can practice cakes and work on other types of pastries. I really want to make a cake roll. They are SO CUTE. But still nothin' towards ram and space for Vladdy, or gym for me. u__u That's ok, SACRIFICE! Anyone need a cake for an occasion? Or no occasion at all? That's the best time to have sweets. All the time. :D
There's really nothing else to say. I'm out!

Just talking to myself...

Here's two previews of shit I'm drawing.
Blushing Ivan Fanart of Ivan from Gaiaonline. He's so cuuuuuute. The drawing has a few problems though, which I'll fix when I get out of my art block. -__-;
Stuff.

So... last night I was watching Kuroshitsuji (Which pissed me off btw- I downloaded in .mkv format and all of a sudden I needed to download codecs, when I did it still didn't work. I've never had this problem with .mkv before. I ended up just watching it in VLC player, which isn't a big deal but I just prefer other media players ;-;) and after I watched it, Vlad started making a scary wind-tunnel sound!! So I shut him down for the night. Now he's completely silent. Scary scary scaryyy!

Denise and I had a really great time downtown a couple of days ago, although I got a bit of anxiety when I had to walk to and take the train back by myself. (So...CROWDED.) I've done it plenty of times before, but I dunno, I guess I haven't been in crowds by myself in a long time. Besides that, now I long for more great days like that!

Mum came home from camping yesterday. I felt relief when she came home. It's really high tension in the house without her, because my brother and father don't often get along. One of the nights my brother got insanely drunk and I didn't even want to see him because he takes offense to EVERYTHING I say, especially when drunk. My dad wasn't there because now he has two jobs. I feel so horrible for him. He doesn't work on weekends, thank god, but he wakes up at 5am to work one job, gets home by two, and has to leave at 2:30pm to get to his next job, and he arrives home anywhere from 12am to 1:30am. He works so hard (<--- I actually mean this, lol!) and when he gets home he always gets shit from Alex. I don't understand it. Alex works one job on the weekdays (but takes off whenever he can) and lifeguards on weekends (if he gets the call.) But my mum and I haven't been able to find jobs. So my dad wants me to go to school in the fall. I guess I'm ok with that.

Alright, I'll shutup now. I know you guys only skim through my entries because they're so long and boring.

Lapse

Here's some drawings.


The first one is the updated sprite based on me. s/he is called V&Bun. The other one was supposed to be #94483's sprite, but it's too messy. I kept on losing his personality when I cleanly lined him, so I'll try again another time.
So today one of the kids from the block was hanging out with a bunch of dudes my age or so on a stoop and he said "yo, whatsup" and went to give my a pound. I was confused, but i went to give him one anyway, when he pulled back and said psyche. I stared at him for a moment, ready to fucking lunge at his throat, but I was in the middle of trying to get something to the post office, so I had to leave. When I walked by again, he mentioned something about me having a stick up my ass. Can you fucking believe this? ME, HAVING A STICK UP MY ASS. How often am I so stiff? Honestly. I can honestly say he doesn't fucking know me and shouldn't be talking shit, he doesn't even know my fucking NAME and he does that shit. I could have come back out with a knife for all he knew. I'm so pissed off he wasn't outside by the time I had finished up at the post office and came home.
I know I'm blowing this out of proportion-maybe- but COME ONNNN. Come the FUCK on. I'm tired of this shit! High school is over, and i'm being made fun of by people YOUNGER than me?! WHILE HE WAS WITH ADULTS?!?!?! FUCK FFUCK FUCK FUCK. I am so pissed.

In other news, I'm having a fucking mental BREAKDOWN like I can't do shit anymore. I wanted to earn a bit of cash by doing commissions, but I suck and no one is going to fucking BUY THIS SHIT. Uuuuughhhhh. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I even doubt I want to bake anymore. What am I going to do with my stupid stupid life.

The past two days

Uhhhh. Wow, I haven't written in a while. I haven't drawn anything worthwhile either. But here's some stuff. This one I drew of my fave fave fave original character, #94483. But It sucked so hard that I scrapped it. This screenshot remains. I'll work on another one!


And here's another sketch I did a while ago cos I feel bad about not drawing.


Happy belated 4th, btw. I went to the beach with my best friends+boyfriend. Although I spent most of the time annoyed or exhausted. I love being at the beach, though, so I still liked it. It's a weird feeling. I got to the beach, the sun was absolutely frying me to death. I went in the ocean, but I kept on getting splashed (HAIR. MUST. STAY. DRY.) I was really self conscious the whole time because I gained a bunch of weight. I enjoyed being with friends. I went off to play DDR, but it took forever to get everywhere (Eric had to get a beverage, was too picky, so we went around to a few places.) Overworked and nearly passed out after. Got to the beach and laid down, while it was noticably cooler. But being in a crowd annoys me. +the bathing suit/ generally more revealing clothing stuff. We left not too long after that. We saw cool carnival type stuff on our way out, but getting through the crowds of people pissed me off.
I dunno. It was a weird day for me. It felt very short and we didn't actually spend too much time together.

Today was the first time in a long time that Eric and I spent time together. We went to 14th and walked to Chinatown. St. Marks is now tiny Japantown. (*drools*)
Asians make me super self conscious as well. With their nice physiques and awesome hair and perfect skin. D< *shakes fist out of jealous rage*
I'm not paying $16+ for a wall scroll. I'm not paying $15+ for a 1-disc DVD with four episodes on it. I can pay $10 more and get a whole fucking season. Get the fuck OUT of here.
We played a game of DDR, but I had on sandals so I fucked up my first song. Then I had to play the next two songs standard and I got really pissed off. I hate wasting money by playing standard. I'm trying to push my limits and get better- and it doesn't work with standard.
I didn't eat this whole day. I just realized. Damn. We went into the mall. Eric fantasized about buying models of his boyfriends Sephiroth, Raito, and his guilty pleasure Cloud. :3 I wanted to buy a cute pillow, stuffed animal, or bag, but I can't muster up the courage to walk into the stores a lot of the time. They're so small, and I'm so BIG. They're for fucking tiny asian physiques. Plus, I always feel like a wapanese dickhead when I walk into stores like that...
eric, are you there? make plans with me more often. i'm scared of disconnecting.