Ureshii!

Good days! Hung out with Jennifer on sunday. Hung out with Denise monday to tuesday. It's mostly been sunny, besides monday and tuesday. Very good days! I'm happy.
well, the only thing is my job search. whenever I'm suggested something, it's usually something that makes me feel uncomfortable. You know, those one-shot deals, "do this, answer a bunch of questions with a group, do this, get $100 and go home." But especially for me, who has trouble wording the simplest sentences, around familiar friends (never mind around strangers x__x) I just have this huge fear of doing something like that. I hope at least someone understands.
Also, sunshine mart is hiring, I discovered while hanging out with Jennifer. Do you think they won't hire me because I'm not Japanese/don't speak japanese? D:
Drawd some stuff.

The second picture I put up on deviantart, but with static. This version kinda looks too plain or something, but I personally like it that way.
Been really into my 20s-40s thing. Been really into my wapanese thing. Kinda want to find a way to combine them well. I'm excited to explore those ideas. Oh, that reminds me. Totally bought a fitted Betsy Johnson dress for $6. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? It's so amazing. I love you, Unique! :] My mum has been making me a snorlax dress. Inspired by an image someone posted online- I had the fabric from when I wanted to make a sailor themed dress. But I didn't like that type of fabric for that dress, and so I just had the blue and white fabric laying around. So happy- I want to make more pokemon dresses. I'm not the hugest fan of pokemon ever, but it's just fun to go back on that fun part of my childhood.
Omg, I totally forgot about drawing more gross pokemon.

Another one!

It was a fantastic sunny week until thursday/friday. But it still made me really happy and I feel less depressed now (I wasn't depressed at all when it was sunny, but the rain/clouds get right to me). So the next stupid venture is: DDR FREESTYLE! Denise and I want to do cute/moe style ddr freestyling. I hope it is at least somewhat successful (Maybe two song routines?) That would make me happy, or even just one. I got my newer mat working again and the old mat is still spotty, but it's an old mat, so I forgive it. I'm so excited to try!
Yesterday the boy scout troop celebrated 90 years, and I was told that a lot of the older scouts would come, so I went and I overexcited myself, because it was kind of a letdown. They didn't show up. Not that I don't enjoy the current boys, I just hoped that I could see the guys I grew up with in the troop. A handful of older older older guys came. But none of the 90s guys. At least I got cake.

^There's a mini comic with Beau and Chance^
Beau is very very old. And voodoo-y. I imagine that Chance finds out any news for him, so that's that.
Oh, another thing. My mum accidentally my folder of stuff on my external drive. and it was baaaad.
I keep my anime in there. NOT on Vlad. So I've been trying to get my stuff back on there (and also seeing if I have enough space to keep copies on vlad as well orz) well, it's been fine actually. I rediscovered anime I should watch and included it to my collection, so yeah, it's been good.
Another thing. I kinda wanted to cosplay this year at anime fest, but it's more than likely I won't have the funds. Maybe not even to go to the thing altogether. But if I do get to go, I'll bring my mum's camera and really try to take advantage of my time there this year. Haha, I say that every year T_T I have a stupid personality. Anyway, if my confidence does get built up.. I WILL MAKE FRIENDS

VQ the mangaka?

Ever since I read about Nick Simmons (see here and here) it's made me want to make a really American manga. If you know me, you probably know that I HATE drawing comics. For some reason, drawing in panels is extremely tedious and difficult for me.
But I feel like we really need redemption. I've never considered myself patriotic, but every time one of us fucks up THAT'S what the rest of the world hears about, and it tends to drown out all of the good and noble things that we do. So, what will other countries anime fans think of American mangaka (manga creators)? Once again, we're spoiled and the only reason why we get things like Incarnate done is because we've got money behind it. No talent needed, as usual, Americans. It's a shame to all of us.
Hopefully... I will have the patience and be able to use my new-found motivation to create an extremely American manga that people from all over the world can fall in love with.

Come back to me, Ramen

Today I was doing a spa day. Skin routine plus new hair thing. Egg+mayo+olive oil. Wrap in plastic bag. 10-15 minutes. rinse. style.
I've been doing a lot for my hair lately because I was recently introduced to a few websites which educated me on how to properly take care of my hair. I have "nappy" hair. Since I'm mixed, I don't have tight coils or curls. I have very loose curls, but very dry and thin. "Ramen" was the name for it before I bleached my hair and ruined the fuck out of it.
I've been trying to figure it out today. While I've let my natural hair hang out for most of my life (relaxers are painful, cost money, and have to be done every two weeks- which is just too much of a hassle for me.) Recently, I haven't felt the same about it. While I don't want to relax my hair anymore, I don't like leaving it, either. (I flat iron.) I've always come to the logical conclusion that because I destroyed my hair, when it's curly it's unusually short and looks terrible on me. It's true. But today when I tied a plastic bag on my head to let my hair concoction sit, my mum laughed at me about it. Then it hit me, I am extremely self conscious of my hair. When I was little, a lot of kids would laugh at me because of my hair. I mean, besides the fact that I didn't take care of it very well (Leave a tomboy to do her hair and what does she do? she leaves it alone. I brushed it every day, but as the knots got bigger I worked on it less. Tenderheaded? fuck yes.) people would touch my head, or throw something at my head and say "Can you feel that?" I would laugh but I was really hurt that people would even say that. When you wear a helmet you can still feel things on your head, and my hair was nowhere near a helmet. Every time I fell, or failed to catch a ball or did anything that made me look stupid in any way, my hair always helped make it even funnier. For a while I forgot about it, after I cut all of the knots out in middle school and it grew into the beloved ramen. But now that I'm self conscious about my hair again, I'm reminded of all of the terrible things that affected me when I was a kid and it's just even more of a reason to keep my hair straight. While I whole heartedly support black people letting their hair go natural (if I have children with nappy hair, I won't let them get relaxers and such either.) and I think it looks great on people, I'm not sure that I'll ever do it again. Hopefully, if my hair does grow back to the length it used to be, I will be able to go natural again. But for now, I don't see it happening.

vq the amazing

I drew those for layouts on Gaia. The first one I did in like ten minutes I don't like it at all (head is so small wtf.), but I thought I'd let y'all know I do draw once in a while stll. the second one didn't take too much longer than the first. It's ok, I definitely like it better than the first one. Here's somethin' I drew just last night pretty quickly.

Yeah, she's naked. I thought it was just cute in concept. I can never execute.
Lol, there's a theme. Well since the first two were for a layout it makes sense but the third one I did was on a whim. If I had male references I would draw more men. Looking it up online makes me feel like a pervert and I get shy looking (same for women- I just reference myself and exaggerate as needed). My room is near the bathroom so people are always walking by. :[ LIFE IS SO HAAAAAAAAARD
What else is there? I tried to start a cartoon featuring that nude toon last night but I started drawing it and then I remembered I FUCKING HATE DRAWING COMICS. As soon as I drew out the panels , drew the first panel, I was instantly bored. I'm amazing. Which reminds me, I tried to pop a blackhead and now there is a huge scab on my face. amazing!

waste

So yesterday I hung out with a friend of a friend and it just reminded me of how stupid and socially retarded I am. I hardly said anything the entire time in fear of looking like a fool or saying something too strange but I'm sure I made myself look even more moronic in that aspect because I spent most of my time GIGGLING. Oh yeah, that looks better. Fucking fucktard.

Spending that time with him also reminded me of how I'm still not positive at all, even though I repeat in my head over and over how to be happy and positive I still can't look at myself or anything I do positively and because of that I have trouble REALLY moving on and because I can't move on I have trouble being happy. I thought I did move on, and maybe I did in some aspects, but nothing major. Nothing noteworthy. Why can't I just be positive? I thought i was...

that pot that comes into my room clouds me and i feel like im in pain
why the fuck would i unplug it seriously i know you have this thing where you think the whole fucking world is against you but seriously get a fucking grip

Douse me please.

WE DON'T EVEN GO OUT ANYMORE AND YET YOU STILL GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO TORTURE ME ABOUT HIM, LIKE I'M MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE BY KNOWING OF HIS FUCKING EXISTENCE. PLEASE STOP TRYING TO PROVE YOUR SUPERIORITY. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. FUCK. FUCK. I had a day that went from good to whatever and then you just shit on any positivity I had. I thought, great I can totally forget about not having a valentine for the first time since 2005. Nope, why the fuck should I be happy, right? Why spare me of the little bits of happiness I can find through my stupid, pointless, shallow life. So once again, thanks. You're amazing. I hope at some point during my life I will grow up and be as superior to the human race and mindfuckingly awesome as you are.

I love and appreciate you so much and then you do KICKASS shit like this.

My passive aggressiveness, I'm sure, will cause me at some point to spontaneously combust.

shitty drawing of a guy
shitty drawing of a banana